But You Don’t Even Like Cupcakes

This is what my husband said to me when I suggested the name of this blog “Keep calm and have a cupcake”.  And he’s right. I am not really a cake person, and therefore not really a cupcake person.  He, on the other hand, LOVES cupcakes. There is one place in town that makes a cupcake that I like, a pumpkin one. But I scrape all of the icing off first and only eat half. And I eat it in the morning with a cup of coffee. So it’s basically a breakfast muffin by the time I get through with it.

Also the word “cupcake” brings to mind a certain type of girl. A bubbly girly-girl. A girl who likes pink. And sparkles. A girl who had no issues planning her wedding because there can never be too much pink and sparkles at a wedding. I am not this girl. I like these kind of girls, I have many friends who are girls like this and I envy the easy way they glide through life, because they want the things that girls are supposed to want.

Point being, I am not someone who you would expect to put the word “cupcake” in her blog title. But there it is. So to explain this, I should also explain that I am indecisive. Very indecisive. And I often put off making decisions because I can’t quite commit. And one of the biggest things that I have not been able to commit to is naming this blog. You see, I decided to write this in May of 2010. It’s now August. I have written many draft “posts”, but they all sit in my inbox of my gmail account. All because whenever I tried to name the blog, I panicked. That isn’t “me”, I would say. Or whine, depending on if you are listening to me or my husband. And I couldn’t possibly start a blog with a title that doesn’t work, that doesn’t immediately capture exactly who I am and what I believe in one catchy title.

I did my research. Being a lawyer has rubbed off on me in a few ways. And there are great blog titles out there. I got a journal. I started making lists. Lists of blog names I like. Lists of possible names. List of words I like. List of phrases I think are funny. Lists of anything that could possibly sum me up and define me. I’ve been carrying it around with me for months. And nothing is right. Or, if it is right, it’s already taken. Imagine that!

So I have been running some options by the husband. He hasn’t really liked any of them. And he does this annoying thing where he pulls apart the logic of things. It goes something like this.

Me: “How about DEFENESTRATION?”

Him: “Huh? What does that mean?”

Me: “Throwing things out the window.”

Him: “Why? What are you throwing out the window?”

Me: “I don’t know. Expectations? Being a lawyer? Does it matter?”

Him: “Yes, it matters. Why pick it if you don’t know why?”

Me: “I just like the way it sounds.”

Him: “Hmmm. I don’t know, it sounds a bit hostile.”

Back to the drawing board. So I am stuck treading water, wanting to write, wanting to make this blog part of my writing life, and yet, I can’t because I don’t have a name. Can I just tell you that it has taken me longer to come up with a blog title than it did for us to name our son? Seriously. There’s something wrong with that.

So last week I am at the bookstore. And I am standing in line about to pay. I am not paying much attention to anything around me, because this was the first free day I had since my new flex time started. This was the day I was to begin making writing a part of my everyday life. Start a blog, finish and submit my short stories, finish my screenplay and start a novel. Yet somehow I couldn’t do any of those things until I had a blog title. I am standing there, these thoughts egging each other on, so that by the time I get to the front of the line, they’ve pretty much started a riot, panic is rising, and I am about to admit defeat. Who am I kidding? I’m not really a writer. I can’t even write an anonymous blog. And then I notice the wall of books to my right, mostly suggestions by the store clerks. But there are a few gift items. And in the bottom right corner, below “Pillars of the Earth”  and beside “Eat Pray Love“, is this little journal. A hideous Pepto-Bismal pink cover. It had no business sitting besides the summer bestsellers. And yet, it sat there proudly. A little insouciantly. Like it knew it didn’t belong, and yet knew that it was secretly desired. And on the front, it said “Keep Calm and Have a Cupcake“.

And that was it. This silly pink journal made me laugh, and reminded me to get over myself. So I figured, why not? It’s not like I’m performing rocket surgery over here. And so what if it’s not “me”? If it was me, it would probably say something more like, “Shut up and drink your drink.” But that sounds a bit hostile and you don’t know me yet. And, you know, everybody likes cupcakes. Or at least normal people do, according to my husband. So here we go.